YouTube DEBUT!!

So I finally made my YouTube video…
I’d really appreciate it if you watch, like, comment, subscribe, and maybe even SHARE! 💖

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Terrific Tuesday

Remember the client I mentioned who works exclusively with me? He messaged me this morning and told me he doesn’t want me to be a mere ghostwriter. Instead, he wants to put my name, photo, and bio on his site– and make me a regular writer! It was a fabulous start to my day and I’m grateful for the opportunity. I’ll give you more details and show you my work that’s already been published in the near future.

Reading and writing will always be my greatest passions in life.

I finally filmed my debut video for my newly revamped YouTube channel this afternoon! Talking to a camera is so different than talking to a person. It was beyond nerve wracking. I’d honestly rather speak to a room filled with hundreds of people than address a camera with no other humans in sight. No doubt I’ll get better with practice….and sharing stories will be much easier because I am recalling events already ingrained in my mind as opposed to covering all my bases when it comes to talking about myself and giving a snippet of my life story.

After half a dozen attempts, my final video just felt right. There’s zero editing. I spoke uninterrupted with zero special effects. Ultimately I want to edit my videos– because many of them are rife with photos and other visuals– but that felt like a little too much for this first one. It’s just me, raw and unfiltered. I’m speaking to you from my heart, unscripted, nerves and all. It feels intimate and real.

Be sure to add my new social media accounts that accompany my channel.

Even if nobody watches or likes the video, I’m so freaking excited about it! For years I’ve toyed with the idea of a visual companion to this blog, so for this to finally come to fruition is thrilling. My channel is called Stories with Sloane. Even though it’s so much more than crazy and/or interesting storytelling, I feel that captures the essence. I could not have done this without the guidance of Coach Tucklemintz and I cannot thank her enough.

My video goes live early tomorrow afternoon!!

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Living the dream

It never ceases to amaze me how my life can go from zero to hero in 2.5 seconds once I have Vivitrol. Of course, I realize it’s not entirely that magical injection, as there is significant desire and work done on my part….but damn, it’s a game changer.

I am living my dream as a writer. Though I’m not rolling in the dough [yet!], I make enough to get what I need. There is so much more I want to do with my freelance career. I want more creative control of what I do and where I submit my work. The ideas I have for various magazines and publications are endless and they will materialize in due time. However, at present, I am more than content writing for Text Broker. Virtually all of my assignments there come from a client who works exclusively with me– and he keeps me busy and pays well. There are also several exclusive teams that I am a part of, which is always a plus because my rate per word goes up when I am invited to a team or requested specifically by a client.

As of this morning, my application to join Constant Content [a similar platform] was approved. Though I have yet to take any assignments from them, it looks as if their pay is quite lucrative. Between these two companies, I will have more than enough to keep me busy writing. But I will never be too busy to neglect this blog.

Life is but a dream

Today the Scumbag Stalker went to court. This is his third appearance since he’s been incarcerated. He goes back again Friday morning. I’m guessing it’s getting pushed back because of Covid-19 delays and/or because his public defender needs more time? My biggest fear is that they will just keep postponing it until he gets time served. A legal eagle of mine has said that he could potentially get away with the aggravated assault charge if the victim doesn’t appear in court. Seriously?! HOW IS THIS VIOLENT FELON STILL ABLE TO BE IN SOCIETY?

Enough about him. Let’s focus on something more pleasant. Like Allen. It blows my mind that we have been together for three years. When did that happen? It’s been….one hell of a ride…but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love that man with every ounce of my being.

It’s our anniversary month.

Shout out to my friend, Cory Shreck! He started his own YouTube channel. I’m all about supporting my friends in their creative endeavors, so I’ve posted his first video below. By the time this post goes live, he will have posted a second video. Be sure to check them out. Typically I would not be all that interested in Pokemon, but his video had me enthralled. That’s a testament to his skills and an inspiration to me.

Speaking of YouTube, my channel will be up and running within the next few days. I was all geared up to film today– in the mood, looking cute, words flowing freely– but an essential errand ended up consuming our afternoon. By the time we arrived home, I was not in a position where I could film privately in my ‘studio space’ [a.k.a. the living room]. As much as I love Allen’s mom, I don’t think she wants to hear the nitty gritty details of my wacky wild days, especially when a thin wall is all that separates my filming area from her bedroom, and she’s trying to relax peacefully after a long day at work.

While she’s at work tomorrow, I will film. If there is any editing, it will be very minimal as I’m not going for production value, but authentic conversation. I’m ready to get this out there.

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Three years after Reno

I’ve gotten to the point where I can talk freely about it to my nearest & dearest.  Yet for some reason I still haven’t been able to go into detail here– which I don’t quite understand.  Even when it comes to tragic and traumatizing things, I am still an open book.  But I think the time is coming very soon where I will discuss that horrific night that went so horribly wrong.

Reno, I miss you so very much.  I have enough memories of our short time together to last a lifetime.  You would be so proud to know that it’s been over two years since I was a heroin addict.  I’ve had a few slips here and there– and my fair share of problems with booze– but it’s been ages since I was a slave to sticking needles in my arm every day.  You’d be equally proud that I’m accomplishing those dreams of writing that you always encouraged me to pursue.

I thank you for the lessons you taught me– even though some were excruciatingly painful.  I thank you for teaching me I deserved better.  I love you.

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Jailed Joey part 5345930543

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know what I’ve been dealing with in terms of my deranged ex.  My heart filled with glee when the phone rang and it said ‘Shelby County Jail’ on the caller ID.  Even though I had a feeling it was him, I answered it in the off-chance it wasn’t….but it was.  The first words out of his mouth were “Hey baby, I love you.”  What.  In.  The.  Actual.  Eff.  I told him in no uncertain terms that I despised him and he needed to stop harassing and threatening my loved ones.  He seemed truly baffled as he asked why I hated him so much.  Seriously?  I hung up on him.  Of course, he called half a dozen more times but we didn’t answer. 

He goes to court this morning.  His charges are as follows:  theft of merchandise under $1000 (2), theft of property under $1000, and felony aggravated assault.  I hope and pray this keeps him off the streets and away from me for at least a few months.  With the exception of the aggravated assault charge, those other misdemeanors probably wouldn’t carry much time.  Hopefully the violent felony sticks.  

Normally I would post his mug shot, but I don’t even want to see his face.  It’s no secret that he has been shooting up meth [which is the absolute best drug for an already unstable, violent person to do, btw] but I didn’t even recognize him.  Extreme weight loss, sunken in face, dead eyes….if anyone who knows him and cares enough to look it up, you’ll be shocked.  And let that be today’s PSA as to why we don’t bang crystal meth, kiddos.

Now that we’ve talked about so much ugliness, here’s something cute to brighten your day:

Nobody will ever stop me from smiling.  No matter how much damage a person inflicts on me– or what curveballs life throws at me– I will always smile.  I am always capable of laughter.  I will not let anyone or anything take that from me.  My flame may dwindle at the times….but nothing will ever extinguish my spark.

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Lil’ Hoodie

It brings me extreme joy to announce to you that Megan and Joey are expecting!! 

I had to keep this a secret for a minute, understandably, but she officially announced her pregnancy yesterday.  When she first shared her special news with me, I was at one of the lowest points in my life.  Her revelation was like a giant happy bomb.  This post is not about me, but what she told me did play a factor in my decision to do something different in my own world.  I can’t wait to watch the evolution of her pregnancy– and see the finished product!

And yes, until we know a gender and/or a name, I will be referring to their wee one as Lil’ Hoodie.  Because her kiddo deserves only the best nickname in utero.

I can’t wait to meet Lil’ Hoodie!

Megan is one of my oldest and dearest friends.  Our friendship dates back 20+ years.  We spend a very eventful year living together in an off-campus apartment in college, thus earning her the coveted title of My Favorite Roomie.  Even though we don’t see each other all that often or talk every day, but I still consider her to be one of my closest friends.  Because of my own issues, I drifted from the friend group, yet Megan never abandoned me.  I know she’s always there and stays in my corner– and that means the world to me.  It is my greatest hope that we can see each other more often and I can ease back into the group of friends I’ve had since middle school.  I want to be here for you during this time like you have been here for me, always.

The proud parents-to-be

Megan, I am ecstatic for you and Joey.  I’ve seen you interact with my kids and plenty of others.  In fact, you were one of the very first people I invited to meet Tatum when she was born [Note to Self:  find that picture!] and you were just a natural. You two will be fantastic parents.  I love you and wish you the most incredible pregnancy journey.

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

I’m 35

Several hours ago I returned from a much needed stay in treatment. I could no longer escape the fact that my mental health had deteriorated to the point where I could barely function. As a result, my drinking spiraled out of control. Even though I was still writing and bringing in money, I was at the mercy of my devastated mind. A devastated mind, devoid of medicine, and a body that had become dependent on booze to survive. I knew I was burning the candle at both ends. Something had to give. So I voluntarily entered a facility specializing in co-occurring crisis issues. In other words, alcohol and/or drug detox and mental health issues of the utmost urgency. Not only was able to get the alcohol out of my system and am now totally clean & sober….but I also got back on my Prozac! And best of all: THEY GAVE ME ANOTHER VIVITROL SHOT!!

Welcome home

Seeing as how yesterday was my 35th birthday, that means I spent it at CSU. Unfortunately, it’s not the first birthday [or Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.] that I’ve spent in such a place. But it’s exactly where I needed to be to insure I will have future birthdays. I’m ecstatic and grateful to have lived this long. Truth be told, I thought I would have met my expiration date over a decade ago. This means there is still much for me to do.

My official 35th birthday portrait 🎂

It literally brought tears to my eyes when I saw the touching tribute Maris left for me on my birthday. I say this in absolutely no way to make her feel guilty for doing what’s best for her and family but I oftentimes wonder if things would have turned out differently if she was still within [local] driving distance. Don’t ever take your best friend for granted when she is in such close proximity. I love you, Soul Sister, and thank you for your kind words from the heart.

Family is a bit of trickier issue. If we’re going to be entirely honest here, I’ve been avoiding a lot of my kinfolk because I have just been so mortified. I know I need to rectify that situation ASAP, but it’s always embarrassing to crawl back with your tail between your legs….especially when you know they have been worried sick about you after you drop off the grid. My children are everything to me but I often feel like their lives would be better if I just disappeared– but I know this is the depression talking. All I can say is that I love my family with every ounce of my being and can’t wait to talk to them– and even better– see them.

“I got you, Babe.”

I thank Allen for helping me to my feet when I stumble. Notice I say ‘help,’ as opposed to ‘pick up.’ He supports me while allowing me the independence to make my own decisions and make my own mistakes. He knows he can’t do it for me. He never causes me to doubt his love and commitment towards me. Allen, I am an independent woman but when I have you with me we’re better together.

I’m back and in business everyone! Staying clean & sober is my utmost priority. There will be recovery work, counseling, and my Alliance Family. Next comes repairing relationships I’ve damaged. And then work, work. As in writing and teaching. YouTube will happen. My life will happen. Don’t count me out yet.

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

Sadness, memories, content

I don’t even know how to begin this post.  So let’s just jump right into what’s zooming around in this discombobulated brain of which I claim ownership.

To say I am severely depressed is the understatement of the century.  I can’t even remember the last time I took my anti-depressant….but I am actively working to remedy that situation.  No amount of Prozac is going to make me “not sad,” but I know that I can exist a little easier with it.  The combination of depression and anxiety is crippling.  I stay looking over my shoulder and constantly feel as though I am on the precipice of disaster.  I realize as I type these words, much of the sadness is in my mind, but the anxiety is very much real.  It’s been suggested that I have a type of PTSD from the stabbing– and I probably do– but this is not that.  What I’m referring to is Joey, who is a relentless, violent, and unstable stalker who Just.  Won’t.  Quit.

Back to brunette 💇🏻‍♀️

I changed my name on Facebook.  My hope in doing this was to curtail the random messages going into my ‘other’ folder courtesy of The Scumbag.  Thus far it seems to be working.  It makes my skin crawl to even talk about him, but as I keep saying….I will leave a paper trail.  Street sources tell me that he has spread a rumor that I am deceased.  Then he morphed that vile rumor into saying that I am actually alive [who knew?] and he is going to murder me, chop me up into pieces, and put me in a garbage bag.  Well then.  I completely understand why people snap.

He should be in jail for a multitude of offenses.  Thank you, Memphis Police.  I wish your organization cared about Larry enough to pursue charges against the obvious– the primary– suspect.  I have zero trust in your ability to ‘serve and protect.’  

I don’t want to send this into an anti-law enforcement rabbt hole so I’m going to stop right here.  Suffice it to say this is a rough time of year.

This image haunts me.

July is hard.  I know Allen isn’t too enthused to see a picture of me kissing my ex on here, but I want him to know how much this affects me.  He will never again be able to change his profile picture.  This is it for him on Facebook.  His birthday was the same as that of my Soul Sister, 9 July.  I used to think that was some sort of ‘divine intervention’ that they had the same birthday.  Then again, I don’t understand why you would send me on a beer run and then hang yourself from a tree if things were so divine.

If I had to pinpoint an exact moment my life went downhill [emotionally], it would be 7 July 2003.  When Adam Sontag died, it destroyed me.  I miss him every day.  It never gets easier.  So many of my friends– and my mother– are dead.  And I just miss them.

My Namesake and my Soul Sister

That was all super negative so I wanted to end on something positive.  Seeing pictures of my Soul Sister and my Namesake make me deliriously happy.  Little Sloane has grown into an amazing, confident young woman.  I think the only thing more shocking than the fact that I turn 35 next week is the fact the Twins turned 15 last month.  Time flies.

I am on stun that I’m still here.  Who ever would have thought I would make it to THIRTY FIVE?  Wowza.  I know I was put here to birth the two best children in the history of ever but I had no idea I would still be around to see this much.  As much as life hurts, I am so grateful that I’m here for it.  

On a final note, let’s talk YouTube.  I promise this is not some sort of clickbait, hyping it up sort of thing.  I don’t know exactly how to go about it because I will be filming from an iPhone, but we don’t have a Mac in the house so we don’t have iMovie.  I know it’s content over editing, but if you are going to spend your time with me, I want it to be worth it.

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane

UUA

Sunday morning I ‘attended’ the UUA General Assembly Closing Worship ceremony.  As the name implies, this convention marks the annual gathering of Unitarian Universalist congregations and/or the delegates representing them.  This year’s Assembly would have been in Providence, RI., but obviously that wasn’t happening.

Witnessing the event with so many of my fellow seekers around the country was an empowering experience.  The sermon came from Reverend Joan Javier-Duval, of the Unitarian Church of Montpelier.  Regardless of who they are or where they come from, I always feel at home when I hear a UU faith leader speak.  Espeically important is the fact that our church doesn’t shy away from social justice causes, activism, and Black Lives Matter– and this ceremony was no exception.

More than a few of you have asked me what it is exactly that we UU‘s believe.  That’s a loaded question….and it means different things for different people.  What I’m showing you below are our 7 Principles, which I think is one of the few things we all can agree on and are proud to espouse.

I’m not trying to be vague in my own personal definition or skirt around the issue.  Nothing makes me happier than sharing my spiritual tradition with those who are curious.  Because I am staunchly opposed to anything that even remotely resembles proselytzing, I’m not running around discussing my faith at every opportunity or trying to convert people.  That’s not how we roll.

Finding Neshoba Unitarian Universalist Church was truly divine intervention for me.  Within the semi-near future, I plan to make a detailed blog that serves as a deep dive as to what Neshoba [and it’s beloved people – my chosen family] means to me and how I define Unitarian Universalism.  Let’s just say it’s easier for me to tell you what it’s not than what it is and as the old UU jokes says….”my faith is built on the unshakable foundation that your guess is as good as mine.”  😉

Jennifer Poindexter

Yesterday I received news that I thought was impossible.  Surely it was not real.  But it was.  Jennifer, this is not the first post you will receive.  This is simply me in shock.  You deserve– and will receive so much more as I can handle my thoughts and emotions– so you have a lengthy post coming.  I hope things are better now.

It took me several months before I could write about Bosi.  We’re coming up on three years and I still haven’t been able to share what happened with Reno.  Sometimes losses send me into a state of denial and I just can’t even fathom what went wrong.  But I wanted to write this as quickly as possible to shout it from the rooftops that Jennifer mattered.   Her loss shattered our Alliance family and countless others who knew and loved her.  Rest easy, love.

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane