I love Larry

Sunday night I received a phone call that left me sobbing so hard I could barely breathe.  I collapsed on the couch, making the sort of guttural sound one can only make when their heart shatters from the death of a loved one.  Larry died.  💔

What??  How??  This made no sense.  Yes, I know he was older, smoked like a freight train, and had COPD.  But I had just talked to him the day before.  We were laughing and joking and everything was fine.  He wasn’t ill.  Not even 15 hours prior he was posting on Facebook without a care in the world.  I know that heart attacks and aneurysms, things of that nature, can hit suddenly and without warning.  Yet for some reason I just didn’t think that was the case.  Something just seemed off.

One of the most important people in my life.

I heard something that disturbed me greatly.  My friend who found Larry deceased used the word “unnatural” to describe the scene upon which he discovered my sweet friend.  What the hell did that even mean?  Nobody seemed to have an answer.  Whether they were intentionally being evasive or simply not aware themselves, I didn’t know.  Surely nobody had…hurt…him in any way.  Who on earth would want to hurt Larry?  He wouldn’t harm a fly.  He was one of the sweetest, kindest people I’ve ever met.  He had no enemies.

…..yet there was one person who had been giving him trouble.  Intimidating and harassing him.  Let’s just say I’ve had severe problems with this individual.  Now it’s my turn to be purposely vague.  My mind immediately flew to worst case scenario.  But without any confirmation from an authority figure, I tried [unsuccessfully] not to speculate.  Going from notorious bully to cold-blooded killer is quite the leap.  Or is it?

I scolded myself for jumping to conclusions without knowledge of the facts.  And then I got the facts.  My God, I wailed and wailed and fell to my knees.

We now know the tragic truth.  As I said in my status, I’m not going to go into detail about the murder or the subsequent investigation.  I sat on this knowledge until his family went public with the fact that it was a homicide….and until certain people were aware that the police needed to speak with them.

What I will state plainly is this:  I swear with every ounce of my being that I will not stop until the person or people who are responsible for this are behind bars.  Somebody I loved and held so close to my heart had their life cut short by pure evil.  And I’m far from the only one distraught by this– Larry had family and friends who loved him dearly.  We will be his advocates and we will not rest.

I feel odd for such an abrupt shift in tone, but Larry was so proud of my recovery.  He always told me “you can conquer the world when you’re sober.”  The day after Birdie called me for that awful conversation [I know that was not an easy call to make…but there is nobody else whom I would have rather had break that news to me…and I thank you], I received my ((virtual)) 90 day chip in Early Birds.  Wow.  Three months of total abstinence from all mind-altering substances, 90 days clean & sober.  Even though we are taught to focus on one day at a time and not make assumptions in recovery, I did not doubt for a second that I would see this milestone.

Because of everything else going on, it was a difficult day for me.  I cried many times before and after I received my red chip.  I’ve cried many times since.  Yet I know that one of my biggest cheerleaders has now become one of my best Guardian Angels– and he wants me to keep doing the damn thing.

 

With infinite love, gratitude, and respect,

Sloane